Cultural Bias Dissolved: Gun Point Diplomacy Starts in the Rear Echelon
As long as I can remember I have firmly believed the act of cleaning one’s nether regions with toilet paper (or TP) was not only an integral part of the British experience but also a defining act emblematic of sophisticated and advanced societies everywhere.
Until I came to Cambodia and those scales fell from my eyes.
The day I landed, my best friend picked me up from the airport. We headed for a few pints with a side-trip for some Spicey Chilli Chicken from Burger King before stopping in at his place. Eventually nature came to call.
When I looked around for the toilet paper, it was nowhere to be found. I checked by the side of the loo, on top of the cistern, let my eyes wander across the sink top. All to no avail. Perplexed and mildly embarrassed, I called out for help.
“You got any loo roll, lad?”
My request was met with a subtle sigh followed by a brief pause, after which he replied, “Use the bum gun.”
Bum gun? I had never used a bum gun. The idea of actually using a pressure-based water instrument for “rear-end maintenance” was completely new to me. Of course, I’d heard of them being used in far away lands but had given their use little thought, until that moment..in an actual far away land.
With no alternative and God by my side, I crossed a cultural threshold.
End result? I actually felt a greater sense of cleanliness than I ever had back home and it felt great.
I’m one month into my stay in Cambodia now and I can honestly say it’s been one of the most engaging, exciting and eye-opening experiences of my life. My skin is no longer a translucent pale. My shoulders hang a little looser. There’s spring in my step and a glint in my eyes. Life is great.
Until last Thursday that is when I went to watch a friend sing at the Baitong Hotel. We drank beers and had a laugh between sets. It was the epitome of weekend relaxation, but one interrupted when I decided I needed to spend a penny.
And suddenly. There it was. Toilet roll. The sight of it instilled in me a sudden feeling of deep shame at the cultural blinkers that keep us westerners from acknowleding that we do not have all the answers.
Think about it. Until the arrival of newspapers in the 1700s, our descendants were mostly using corncobs for their ablutions.
So, the default position that the west has advanced faster than other parts of the world in virtually every way? Worth a rethink. We were definitely late to the party as to how best to feel “spring-time fresh”. That discovery has been a real step forward for yours truly on the importance of stepping out of one’s comfort zone to get out of the way of our cultural misconceptions.
In fact, I’ve already booked a flight to Japan where I’m told they have incorporated smart technology into their bathroom routines. You can actually rinse, adjust the temperature, dry, deodorise and scent at the touch of a screen control. What is it they say about “converts’ being more zealous in their devotions than those born to them? Drank the koolaid, bought the t-shirt, subscribed to the podcast.
Author: Leon Havana
A trained chef and sports aficionado with extensive experience across South America and Asia. Leon’s culinary creations celebrate local flavors, while his love for sports like football and boxing connects him with local communities.
